Kindness and compassion are both free... and priceless

Why is it so hard to say "I'm sorry"? When someone you care about tells you how they feel, even though it may be something you are not prepared to hear; why is it so difficult to listen with an open mind and heart? If someone says "you hurt me"; why be in denial? Is it that important to be "right"? Someone you care about is making an attempt at telling you how they feel; giving you the opportunity to understand them and their feelings, regardless of how 'unjustified' you may think their feelings are - why not just own it and try to make it better?

Life is full of hurts and hard times. Sadness and tragedy are all around - at any given moment, life can change dramatically in either direction. You never know what another person is going through and how your reaction to them and their feelings can turn things around... or... make things worse.

Communication is not easy, confrontation is even more difficult. Most people, I believe, don't communicate their feelings because they think the other person won't care; "what difference will it make anyway"? It's so much easier to walk away than to work at being heard.

It has been really easy for me to feel sorry for myself over the past few weeks; especially when I physically feel so terrible. It has become easier to focus more on the negative than the positive; easier to notice who HASN'T been there for me rather than who HAS. It's easier to focus on the losses over the gains, it's all so obvious to me. I see it when I look in the mirror, I hear the phone loud and clear when it DOESN'T ring. I see the long road ahead, and even though there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it's seems so dim and far away. It's hard to find joy when you feel so physically broken. It's nothing like being "sick". When you're sick, you know you'll feel better with some fluids, medicine and rest. When you are being treated with chemo, you still see yourself with no hair, random side effects appear out of nowhere and one minute you feel "ok" and the next, you can't stand up. And you feel like absolutely no one (other than someone who has gone through it) understands. Regardless of how many people are around, you feel alone.. and lost.

Today is day six after treatment number four; the 'last of the hardest' courses. Next Friday I start new a new "cocktail" that will have "less harsh side effects". I am SO ready for that. I'm feeling stronger today - physically, AND mentally. I plan to challenge myself to focus more on the positive and embrace as much sunshine and happiness as I can no matter what lies ahead.

I'd like to challenge anyone who's reading this blog to be more open minded... and to be a better listener, to be kind, be compassionate and if you have nothing nice to say, keep scrolling, keep walking...move on. You really have no idea what another person is going through and what impact you can make in one direction or another; why not opt for kindness and love?

I say it in every blog, and I probably will in every future blog... I don't know what I would do without the encouragement and love from people who choose to care. I get random emails, texts, phone calls, and messages of love at exactly the right times. I feel like I've been down more than up lately, and every single message helps me to realize how loved and appreciated I am and keeps me afloat. My strength comes from support. I truly am so grateful...

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Thank you for taking this walk with me....