So Thankful...
78 day since my last blog... These days I'm just rolling along in life, just like a "normal" person. Pretty much feeling like myself as much as ever. I still have some aches and pains, still some neuropathy in my hands, but it's manageable and "ignorable"...And of course, the thought and threat of "IT" always looms quietly in the back of my mind - also manageable and ignorable, but there, nonetheless.
I've recently gone back to work full time, 40 hours...I never thought I would, I had hoped to stay at 32 hours and enjoy life with an extra day off every week; but I've realized that working 40 hours, doing what I do, with the incredible people I do it with ACTUALLY IS enjoying life. And of course, the extra money is certainly helpful!! To have the over all energy and mental desire and capacity to be able to is one of the most indescribably wonderful feelings ever. My physical energy is back up, probably to about 80%. I still get tired, but my mind doesn't get as exhausted as it did even 6 months ago.
On September 29th, I had my very last herceptin / perjeta infusion. On October 3rd, my port was removed. It was both the most liberating and scary moment at the same time. I felt like I had my own body back, just like every other person; without the 'extra hardware'. Scary because it marked the TRUE end of treatment, and in a way, that port was like a security blanket. It meant I was "doing something" to keep the cancer away.
To look at me now, you would never know what I was going through last year at this time. My hair looks like a "normal hairdo". There are no indications of "disease or treatment". I can honestly say, that I blend in nicely once again. I probably blended just fine a year ago, but I certainly didn't feel it. The thought of ever having to go through any of it again, is mind numbingly scary, I have to work daily to push the thought out of my mind and look forward. I'm learning to cling to faith, the tangible and accessible. I'm challenging myself with new experiences and looking and reaching outside the box of what I ever knew to be "normal", because what is NORMAL, anyway? I am all about growth and continuous evolvement.
On October 28th, I became a 'church-goer'. I stepped foot into a movie theater, of all places, and learned the love of Lifesong Church. I've never been a 'religious' person, always considered myself a spiritual person. I can honestly say, I can be exactly who I am in this church, only a little bit better, stronger, and more at peace. I'm sure it's not for everyone, and normally I don't talk about "churchy things" in a public way, but....it's part of my journey, and if you're here reading this, then, you must be interested in my journey. It's so deeply personal, I don't need to talk about it or share any more about it. It's for ME, my heart, my soul....It doesn't matter who is around me, it's truly a gift I've given myself and it is the most wonderful feeling ever. I was drawn to it, I can't describe it, it just IS, and it is the right thing for me.
As 2018 is drawing to a close, I am more thankful and GRATEFUL for every single little thing in my life, every moment, every challenge, every person, place and thing. My eyes are so wide open and feet firmly planted on the ground. The only thing I'm absolutely certain of, is that nothing lasts forever and everything happens for a reason. That is SO cliche, but I know it to be so true.
Thank you for choosing to be part of my journey. Much love, peace and gratefulness in your world.
Until next time...